Willow: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Maunual
by samshair
Summary: Tired of confusing Chinese instruction booklets? Try this one. My first language is English.


**Willow: The Owners' Guide And Maintenance Manual**

Congratulations! You are now the owner of a fully-automated **WILLOW **unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your brainy Wicca, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

**Basic Information: **

**Name: **Willow Rosenberg

**Date Of Manufacture: **1982

**Place Of Manufacture: **Hellmouth Creations Sunnydale Division

**Height: **5'6"

**Weight: **Unknown

**Your WILLOW unit will come with the following accessories:**

Three high school era outfits

Three 'bolder' outfits

A fuzzy purple hat

Some herbs and salts for magics

When you first open your **WILLOW **unit, she may be quiet or suspicious. Show her around and let her get to know everything.

**Programming:**

Your **WILLOW **unit is smart, cute, and a really, really good Wicca, and can carry out the following functions:

**Tutor: **Feeling stupid about homework? Your **WILLOW** unit will be able to help you with any subjects you are stumped in.

**Hacker: **Image that, for some reason, you need to hack into government files on your computer. Just ask **WILLOW**. She'll be sure to help you out.

**Witch: **Whatever the reasons may be, this girl can whip you up a spell in no time! Just be careful, because you don't want her getting carried away, do you?

**Your WILLOW unit comes with six different modes:**

Friendly

Nervous

Sad

Wicca

Love

REALLY angry

WARNING: The sad mode combined with the Wicca and love modes may or may not result in the destruction of the world.

The friendly mode is default, unless **WILLOW** really dislikes you, which she rarely does. However, we recommend taking these precautions to avoid being disliked: Don't be Warren, and don't be Glory.

Nervous mode is activated when the **WILLOW** unit is introduced to new people, is around someone she secretly likes, or has to be in an onstage performance involving Madam Butterfly…or anything for that matter.

The sad mode is activated when your **WILLOW **unit has broken up with the **OZ **unit, or feels guilty about something she did with magic. Or, when someone dies. Ice cream usually helps to get her out of this mode.

The Wicca mode is activated soon after you unpack your unit, and will become more and more used as the years go by. You may or may not try to limit her use of magic, but things COULD get out of control…just a little.

The love mode is activated when the **WILLOW **unit is around any unit she had been with. It seems most intense with **TARA** units, but love mode will often lead to sad mode. Remember: Sad + Wicca + Love=DOOM

REALLY angry mode is the result of the above equation. Symptoms include: Black eyes, black hair, veins, your home getting destroyed, and possibly the Apocalypse. We recommend having a XANDER unit on hand to calm her down.

Hopefully.

**Relations with other units:**

**BUFFY SUMMERS**: This unit is **WILLOW**'s best friend. They will always get along…mostly.

**XANDER HARRIS**: This unit is also a best friend. There may be some *a-hem* tension at times, but everything is always good in the end.

**OZ (DANIEL OSBOURNE): **These units went steady a while, but there was a break up. If **OZ** hasn't been around for a while, try to keep him away. For the best of both units.

**RUPERT GILES**: This unit will occasionally make your unit irritated, as he will express concerns over your unit's use of magic. Relax. They don't hate each other, they just…don't always see eye to eye.

**TARA MACLAY: **The units are girlfriends for a while, break up, and get back together. They love each other to death, so arguments between these units should be the least of your worries.

**ANGEL**: These two units don't interact very often, but when they do, there is no reason for you to worry.

**ANYA JENKINS**: This unit did not like **WILLOW**, but after an encounter with an **OLAF THE TROLL **unit, they became closer.

**RILEY FINN**: The two units have not much in common, and do not spend much time together.

**DAWN SUMMERS**: **WILLOW **unit is like a sister to the **DAWN** unit, and they get on well.

**SPIKE**: Your unit's attitude towards this unit will vary from time to time. If sparks fly, take one or the other out of the room.

**POTENTIAL SLAYES **set: This set includes five potential slayers. Their relationship with **WILLOW **is similar to their relationship with **BUFFY**. The **KENNEDY** unit will sooner or later become your unit's girlfriend.

**Cleaning: **The **WILLOW **unit is fully capable of cleaning herself. She will also keep the bathroom clean. Possibly does laundry as well.

**Energy: **The **WILLOW **unit will eat most of what you put in front of her.

**Frequently Asked Questions:**

**Q: **My **WILLOW** unit has been saying a lot of weird things in Latin lately. My parents think I'm doing black arts. Can I get her to stop?

**A: **Sorry, no. Your unit has entered her Wicca phase. She will learn to be more discreet eventually, but in the meantime, ask if she can whisper spells.

**Q: **My unit is keeping a pet rat, and it's kind of scaring me. Can she get rid of it?

**A: **That's Amy. Nothing to be afraid of. If it's disturbing to you, you'll have to work something out between you and your unit.

**Q: **My unit sucked the words out off all my harry potter books and her hair turned black. Im hiding right now can u help me make her normal again?

Sent From My Blackberry®

**A: **Your unit has malfunctioned. Call a friend and get them to send over a **XANDER** unit to talk to it. Otherwise…end of the world.

**Q: **It's a vampire! What do I do!

**A: **Do you have an **ANYANKA **unit? If so, smash her crystal necklace. If not, find one now and do the same.

**Q: **My **OZ** unit just packed up and left, now **WILLOW **won't eat. Is she going to die?

**A: **No, just be understanding and give her food nonetheless. She's going to become gay soon, so you might want to buy a **TARA** unit.

**Q: **My unit thinks she's dating **XANDER**, but she's calling him Alex. What's wrong with that picture?

**A: **Tabula Rasa, duh. One- don't go buying units before you finish watching the series. Two- If you think it's funny, leave things to sort themselves out, and if not, **WILLOW **should be packing a glow-y green crystal you can smash.

**Q: WILLOW **just up and left for England with **GILES**. Are they…y'know…or is it something else? Can I get her to come back?

**A: **She'll come back on her own. No, there's nothing going on. She's gone to practise magic with a coven in England.

**Q: **My unit is all glow-y and I'm scared she's taken the dark Wicca evil to a new level. What's happened?

**A: **She became a type of Goddess. Sort of thing. She's, like, Über good now, so nothing to worry about.

**Warranty: **With proper care, the **WILLOW **unit should live until the end of her days, or until she gets into deadly magical trouble, which shouldn't happen.


End file.
